Elyxology

The move

2009-02-01T02:03:00.002+08:00

Hey my mini audience...

I've moved to Wordpress since last few months and have only decided to notify you all now because there're a handful of posts up there for your viewing already.

Wouldn't want to waste your time on a blog that has nothing much to offer right?

So there you go!

elyxheva.wordpress.com

Have a good read!

Cheers,
Liz

My heart skips a beat

2008-06-12T21:44:00.004+08:00

When my ears are greeted by them, my cochlea sends signals to my brain which then sends impulses to my heart to beat faster. My hands freeze, my mind races through a number of things. In my nervousness, I worry about the next few months during which I have to endure this state of being.

There are a few masculine names that, due to recent frequent contact, I have come to have my heart skip a beat for.
.
.
Francis Katamba
.
.
William O'Grady and John Archibald
.
.
.
.
.
Paul

This is all because of
.
.
Morphology.

Laugh as much as you want. I'm beginning to feel lost and terrified of this subject. Never liked it during Introduction to Linguistics, not capable ingesting any of it now.

H-E-L-P!

Today and then tomorrow

2008-05-02T22:56:00.003+08:00

I got another cheese cake!!! Only a slice of it , phew! Miss Chin Pei Ling gave me a New York cheese cake...one that I've been wanting to eat for months now.

Gracias, gracias, mucha gracias, PL!

Today's the last day of my exam...so we went out for a movie. Jason Behr in The Tattooist is so hot!!!

And then there's tomorrow to look forward to.

I'm gonna to watch The 11th Hour at KLpac! Yeps it's that environmental documentary produced and narrated by Leonardo DiCaprio. Yay!

Later, peeps ;)

My first first of May off the shores

2008-05-01T02:29:00.005+08:00

I had a great laugh. Fooled by a non-existing cockroach, ate tomato cheesecake, thousand-island-sauce cheesecake, received TWO cheesecakes for that matter, went present-hunting and found myself speechless upon discovering a bleak something within a cheerful floral wrapper.

So I thought having the yogurt cheesecake my aunt Sally sent us was it. I had but 2% suspicion that when my housemates 'discovered' a cockroach in my food cabinet. It was their smart way of tricking me into the kitchen to turn off the lights (with me and my camera in hand ready to video another episode of how my housemates hunt roaches down) and surprise me with yet another cheesecake.

Really, despite the initial 2% suspicion (which I dismissed because I didn't think they would actually have another cake after the first one), I was genuinely surprised. And tricked, mind you.

So I guess I turned 20 years old twice tonight. Hehe! But it's all good because I got to make my wish twice!

The best part must be the present-hunt they sent me off to right after slicing a piece of cake. Clue (after I pleaded for one): it's somewhere you always glance over.

Hmm...I hit the food cabinet first cos some told me so convincingly to. I must be real easy to fool huh?

It wasn't there. It was in my room next to my thesaurus. And no, it wasn't there before this whole act.

So neatly slit in between my thesaurus and dictionary of quotations...

I took it out on repeated demands from Amelia to reveal my present to all. The bleak something that I spoke of is...aha! Sweeney Todd, the original novel!!!

I almost melted! I can't believe I got Sweeney!!! WOOOOHHOOOOOO x infinity

Thank you, Jo! Thank you all, Ynuoh, Mishel, Amelia, Lynda, Sushi, Lai Mun and Loo Yin, for being such sweethearts! Had fun pranking me eh?

My first birthday away from Penang looks beautiful already. Pix will be uploaded on my Facebook when I'm free. (Still have one more paper to go)

...and to think, hours before, this was all the opposite.

The night before that shouldn't be like

2008-04-30T21:27:00.002+08:00

I don't like what I've become and I'm not feeling the way I should now.

To-do list:

1. sort out
2. feel more hopeful
3. do art
4. find someone
5. countdown
6. embrace
7. feel happy-ier
8. let my heart do some talking
9. try to save the environment because I'm sweating as I type this
10. get a mental rebirth

My Pillar

2008-04-25T00:16:00.004+08:00

My pillar, where goes?
Where do I lean against,
where do I rest my back,
when I have a broken purple roof?

Do I rely on just any wall
or do I curl up in that familiar corner?
If you can't keep this refugee for a day
where else could she find her pillar?

Everybody needs somebody sometimes.
-Keith Urban's Everybody

Anticipation of freedom

2008-04-05T02:29:00.006+08:00

Pimples popping
Headaches throbbing
Assignment period going
Lepak time arriving

No more enduring witching hour
Rid of faces often sour
Gone is bad grammar to counter
A break from being the stronger

Peace to the gastric
Out returns the eccentric
Chirpy, spontaneous lyrics
When assignment checklist completed with ticks

Another few sunrises to arrive at this!

One of those cab men

2008-03-17T20:14:00.004+08:00

Being a vehicle-less student in PJ and a former vehicle-less-too intern as a journalist, I have many times taken rides from friendly and conversational taxi drivers.

One such is the cab man (I prefer to call them cab men because it doesn't make them sound so much like chauffeurs) my housemates and I had this morning.

From our brief conversation, we found out that he was 45 years old.

Our conversation went like this:

Cab man:"Kamu semua student?"

We:"Ya."

Cm:"Bila habis belajar?"

(Gee, none of his business la - safety and self-preservation instincts kick in!)

Me:" Ada dua s'tengah tahun lagi ."

Cm:" Oh. Semua sudah ada boyfriend?"

(Oi, what's he thinking? What is it to him whether we're available or not?!)

Me:"Yeah, yeah. Semua sudah ada."

(My friend gave me a look. I lied, only half of us is taken.)

Cm:"Aiya, s'karang tak mau cari boyfriend la. S'karang belajar. Belajar sampai Masters baru keluar cari boyfriend dalam Degree! Hah!"

(OMG. Hahahahhah! What la, this fella!)

We:"LOL"

Cm:"Memang kan? Macam ini baru mereka boleh dengar kamu cakap!"

We:"LOL"

Cm:"S'karang macam ini la. Nasib baik I sudah kahwin masa 21, s'karang sudah 45."

We:"Oh..."

And we talked a little more about people giving more than they should for their cab fares- some student, some tourist he had recently.

Cm:"Itu hari satu student, lapan ringgit dia bagi dua puluh. I tak ambil. I cakap itu duit bukan dia punya, bapa dia punya. I pun ambil lapan ringgit sahaja."

To believe or not to believe? Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he was a tad more feminist than one of my housemates and me!

Then we're off at PC block (the block I study in) and we paid RM3, as the meter says. We're not going to waste our parents' money unnecessarily too.

In response to a hectic student life

2008-03-17T08:33:00.003+08:00

The weekend's getting shorter
as the weekdays grow longer
It seemed only yesterday a Friday
but now a Monday morn.

I long to see the end of such
crammed, hectic schedule
The momentum of work steadfast
while mine dwindling under the heap.

Weary I become of life
in this system of deadlines
Mindful I still am
of the strength I need to find.

And faith be it, oh faith,
that I should walk away with pride
when all storm and dust are settled
and my spirit's vacation is come.

Post-Elections Analysis Open Dialogue

2008-03-16T20:28:00.009+08:00

From left: Datuk Dr Denison Jayasooria, CPPS Director Tricia Yeoh, Zainon Ahmad, Khoo Kay Peng, CPPS Chairperson Tan Sri Dato’ Dr. Ramon V. Navaratnam, Malik Imtiaz and Dr Farish Noor.

That was yesterday morning in Sunway University College.

I dunno what exactly to blog about it really except that it was an event I am glad I went for. I almost decided not to because mum and dad was worried people might cause some sort of trouble at the forum (like the demonstration at Komtar, Penang on Friday) so they didn't like the idea of me going there alone.

Luckily there were seniors who are kind enough to give me a ride (thanks to Peiling and Dr Carmen and Michelle Boon! together with the other seniors.

I must say I really enjoyed Dr Farish Noor and Malik Imtiaz's speeches. Malik's eloquence was -wooh!- very very admirable!

I was there mainly to hear what these noteworthy speakers have to say and my, my, I could see that there was a joy in having the opposition winning the elections in time round (from both the stage and the floor). Then again, surely most of the floor was made up of opposition party supporters.

I had an man wearing a yellow t-shirt with Haris Ibrahim's blog URL on it seated in front of me and we had a man in the yellow Bersih rally t-shirt in the floor too.

My seniors say that this forum didn't give as much about post-election analysis as expected but well, in my opinion, what can we predict about our Malaysian politics now that our government for decades is at the losing end? It's clear who's happy and who's not with it but still, personally I think we're in uncharted waters. How does change happen systematically in a society that has not known (but want) change for so long? I thought Dr Farish and Malik gave some good ideas as to what we as Malaysians should now do but no one really even predict what's to happen. (If attendees were expecting some sort of conclusion to our election.)

Briefly, these are few of the things that had me applauding:

Dr Farish spoke about reconstructing our history so that all of us can find our place in our history books; focusing on the years before we were Malaysia when there was healthy racial integration. It's tad further back in time but I'm sure perpaduan was better than in recent years.

Malik talked about having a new language for our Malaysian politics. Something about nationalist (for those in government) and pluralist (for those not in government). Well, think of it this way, in some states BN is now the opposition party so if we were to continue with terms like "opposition party" and the government, there will be some confusion as in who is being referred to.

I'll roughly quote Dr Farish here before I'm out:"(Give the new government some time), they've only been there for a week, after all BN has been there for 50 years and they still couldn't do a good job."

Applause from the floor.

I'd really like to go on actually but my mind's occupied with everything about my assignments and the impending deadlines.

ciao

PS: For further reading, browse Centre for Public Policy Studies for the summary of the event and go Google up any of the five speakers: Dr Farish Noor, Malik Imtiaz, Khoo Kay Peng, Zainon Ahmad and Datuk Dr Denison Jayasooria. The people with substance, hmm.

CPPS promised to put some stuff up YouTube too. Check it out!

Some more pics:

The guy with the http://harismibrahim.wordpress.com T-shirt.

Heheh: Peter Chen, the uncle with the Bersih T-shirt and too long a comment (he spoke so much the chairman had to keep asking him to leave the microphone during the Q&A).

The people I went with: Michelle's bro- Peter, Anthony, Kah Joon, Amy, (I didn't get her name, shame on me) and Michelle. Fahmi Reza, the dude in red and Johnny-Depp-specs behind us, was there too!

Oh yeah, my classmate Alex was there!

Stardusty

2008-03-09T23:18:00.006+08:00

I finished the novel Stardust by Neil Gaiman today and contrary to the movie which I adore whole-heartedly, the story ended with me feeling melancholic.

I loved the movie so much I wanted to read the real stuff, the original version of the story but now I think I'd happily settle for the movie version.

As much as I find the world of Faerie intriguing, fascinating and magical, I could not find the warmth and longing to be in that world I had felt when I was engrossed in the movie. It lacked the very essence which made me fall in love with the movie in the first place. You know, I came out of the velvety cinema with this perfectly woozy feeling.

I didn't understand how the star, Yvaine could fall in love with Tristran because Neil made it so sudden. Like we were not allowed into these two characters' mind and secret thoughts as readers to understand the characters. I'd have loved to have seen it coming with more clarity. I felt as though Yvaine in the novel was almost obliged to fall for Tristran.

Instead of all the wonderful cosiness, I come out of reading with this sadness because the story ended with a sad note. Dah lah the romance lost its kick, Neil had to end it with the sense of loneliness.

The last paragraph that nailed glumness upon me being:
"They say that each night, when the duties of state permit, she climbs, on foot, and limps, alone, to the highest peak of the palace, where she stands for hour after hour, seeming not to notice the cold peak winds. She says nothing at all, but simply stares upward into the dark sky and watches, with sad eyes, the slow dance of the infinite stars."

Call it empathy but I felt so sad that Yvaine could never go back to where she came from. Plus, she's immortal, Tristran wasn't, he expired. And no one know what she is now. She's likely the only left who knows herself because those who knew had taken the secret with them to their graves. Her family's out of reach, her lover's beneath the earth.

How lonely.

I need to listen to some perky music now. Ciao.

A (Big) Dream Comes True

2008-02-28T20:16:00.003+08:00

Today...I took a great leap and possess a silver unevenly rectangular box that holds within it...the power to preserve light.

As you might remember from our physics lessons in high school, everything we see we see because there is light. So this box of mine can capture a moment's light and give me the liberty to choose to visit the photo printing shops for developing the light on some glossy paper.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I smugly present to you (drums, people, drums!)...my Nikon Coolpix L11!!! 6.0 Megapixels, ISO 800, 2.4" LCD and 3x optical zoom plus a really cute mini tripod, 1GB Nikon memory card and some free photo-printing card all for the price of RM385!!! That's the deal you get when you have people like Cai Xia with you to do the bargaining.

Ok la, nothing too fancy but hey! I've been wanting a camera since ice age! So now that I've got one, though not a very canggih one la, I can now devote my free time (or whatever's left of it) to photography!!!

Yay!

(calms down)

Now I have to do my work.

Our Red Herring

2008-02-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

RED HERRING: irrelevant diversion.

(As found in The Little Oxford Dictionary, my little friend.)

Joshua Phua is one. A good one at it too. The class clown of my class who is always surprising us with his remarks and implications of how everything can be related to a certain taboo topic that involves activities behind closed doors.

I salute thee in some ways for your creativity, Joshua. At least he makes the class laugh a lot.

This is an example of how surprising Joshua's wit can be:

Setting: During Grammar tutorial today, Ms Wee was giving examples of broken English likely used by UTAR students.

On white board, the example sentence: He nervous.

Grammatically, that is wrong. We should add a verb in between "he" and "nervous".

Result: He is nervous.

"Nervous" is an adjective.

But no...

Joshua: "No, "Nervous" is his name, so he is Nervous."

What in the world, Joshua...

Smacks forehead, signs off.

Kerajinan yang tiba-tiba dan lecturer yang menginspirasikan

2008-01-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

Yes, I've decided to try to be a little more diligent with this blogging thing because I know that I've just been too lazy to type out whatever I have on my mind. What more, it seems that I have gone back to my old ways of being private.

Privacy aside I realise I tend to forget what about that I would have really wanted to blog about in the day. This happens so very often. Even now. It is happening.

I might need a moment to try to recall what was it that I so semangat berkobar-kobar wanted to rant about.

There's this quote I remember from Mr Gerald Green public speaking workshop that I attended two months back that goes something like that: Ideas are like slippery fish. If you don't spear them by the end of a pencil, they swim away.

Mr Green suggested we have an ever-ready notebook with us at any hour of the day to jot down whatever ideas that dawn upon us in times unpredictable. He told us of how some people even wake up int he middle of the night to jot down ideas in the notebook. So how? My ideas are usually very abundant when I'm showering. Cham la, notebook get wet.

I'd better take his advice nevertheless. Will save a few ringgit to afford something neat from Creative Products.

Right. So what was I at before talking about my renewed efforts to fight forgetfulness?

Oh, it must be about this superb class I'm having now in this semester that has an ultra fantastic lecturer giving us out of the ordinary lectures! No, I'm not being too dramatic here. I really do think that highly of Dr Carmen Nge's classes. We're taking Critical Reading and Thinking with her and yes, if anyone could, she could make me want to go into the education line.

It takes only one first lecture with her and I dare say the whole of EL Y1S2 is definitely in love with this subject. My first thoughts were how the class seemed like a lesson in comedy and that's good. There's no falling asleep to what lullaby lecture with Dr Carmen (With the exceptional exception of Kung. His head was rolling here and there last Monday. Though I'd have to say the classroom was like a sauna).

As if being a delightful lecturer is not enough, I recently found out (via the tip-off from Pei Ling) that she writes for Off The Edge and had taught in foreign lands before UTAR.

The way she carries our lessons, guiding us on how to prod our young minds and bringing up issues that matter in our society. I have an impression of her as a person who has a thirst for life and change for the better that radiates and imbues motivation. And all this with the unmistakable humbleness: I noticed she didn't introduced herself as Dr Carmen but only Carmen.

Personally, I find it surprising that she remembers my actual name, Ying Xiang. For the first time, I'm voluntarily called that in uni, by an educator. If you know me well enough, I tend to introduce myself as Elizabeth rather than Ying Xiang because it sometimes takes a great deal for people to get my Chinese name right. What with the "Ying Xing, Xing Xiang, Xiang Ying etc" variations that have plagued my childhood, I know better. (Though I still love the name my dad gave me.)

So till I'm full of words and thoughts to be spilled here again. That is, if I remember to get the notebook to remind myself of the words and thoughts.

But I'll remember Dr Carmen for sure la.

B-a-c-k

2008-01-29T11:28:00.001+08:00

And suddenly she has the urge to revive her lackadaisical virtual journal.

Cos she has suddenly the inspiration to blog about certain things.

About uni, ideas, pals, lecturers and ambition.

And she will do so later on because it's almost lunchtime now and she has to go to uni already.

Gosh, how she misses writing. Time to pick up the virtual pen and let her old pal know she still cares about it.

She is me and she's signing off.

Till then, my handful of audience.

The 8 things

2007-11-08T09:14:00.000+08:00

Bah...I was tagged by Pei Ling to do this what-makes-a-guy-perfect thing. So there! The 8 qualities that make a man my man.

1. Show me some intelligent sense of humour, baby! As cliché as it sounds, I just love laughing (or maybe guffawing)! If he could take life with mirth, we could really enjoy the ride. Of course, I don't think brainless humour is always funny. He's got to possess some wit and sarcasm lah!

2. Have a brain. No lah, don't have to challenge Einstein's Theory of Relativity to impress me but he'd better be no dimwit.

3. A go-getter. Not afraid to go out there and get things done. Proactive guy... I could learn a lot from him.

4. Extroverted. Yeah, I want my guy to be sociable so that I don't have to be the one and only companion for everything single thing! It's nice to be wanted for company but sometimes I'd need to breathe lah.

5. Omniscient. Whether he wrote the encyclopaedia, read a library or swallows 6 dailies everyday. Know lots and lots of stuff so he can tell me about them as bed time stories. I'm inspired by people who have knowledge. And I want him to be my constant inspiration.

6. A little Romeo (or metro is it?). Heheheh, some romance please. Write poetry for me, teach me tango, cook me candlelight dinner (um, I can't cook to save my life, really) and make me feel warm and fuzzy.

7. Loyalty. I want my man to not be afraid of commitment. I cherish some freedom and movement but loyalty and commitment are the foundations of relationships. The lack of them will equal stunted establishment of trust. How is anything going to work without trust?

8. Always have faith in me. When I'm losing grip and I feel as if the world is crumbling around me, I'd want to know that there's still him believing that I can pick myself and the pieces up. I always want to stand on my own feet, and I'd love a guy to can encourage me to do it.

And now I tag...
Ee Lin
Steph
Bee Yee
Jess
Jo Ching
HJ
Mi Shel and
Quenic

RULES:
1. The tag victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.
5. Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

Happy posting!

The silver screen salutation

2007-11-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, may I declare Stardust...the best movie this year! Seriously, I left the cinema seat feeling the way I felt when I finished Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.

Fantasy and action thrillers are my favourite movie genres but when comedy does it part well in these two genres...baby, you (the movie) have won my heart. Nope, pun not intended.

Gosh where do I even begin to spoil the movie for you...

Let me introduce the quirks you should look out for :
The Old Guard who appears in the first scene. Never found out why he was designated to guard the portal to the other world, Stormhold, but watch out for his second and third appearances later on where he'll surprise you with some combat and apparent cowardice. Haha, makes for a good laugh!

Then there's the Lightning Traders (is that what they're called?) with Robert De Niro as the supposedly fearsome Captain Shakespeare. Brush aside your first impression of the sky sailors, they have a wicked sense of humour that unveils itself towards the climax of the story. Captain Shakespeare is actually a gay (?) and softie but because he thought he had to safeguard his fearsome reputation he goes all out to act merciless. Unknown to him, his whole crew actually knows that he's not scary! And everyone just played along to uphold the reputation of their captain. De Niro sure cracked me up with his portrayal of a self-deceiving character.

Watch out for curious names like Ditchwater Sal, Una, Primus, Secundus, Tertius, yada yada, Septimus which are kinda ridiculous but at least they help keep the audience on track with the many many characters.

Oh, and not forgetting Michelle Pfeiffer! As pek-chek as she can get in her hunt for the star that fell from the night sky, the story had to see her witch character make fun of herself. When you see the bunch of hair just coming off her head and her boobs suddenly greeting her stomach, you'll understand what I mean.

I saw the movie poster and I'd never thought this movie was going to be somewhat hilarious like Pirates but, gee, in all of the seriousness of the battles and importance of keeping the fallen star, Yvaine, safe there lie sprinkles of witty lines and unexpected comedy. Boy does it make the whole ride a good laugh and fantasy!

Despite a few minor plots going on in the story, the audience won't be lost because everything is well played out, coming and going at the right instances.

I salute the cast, crew and the novel (yes, Stardust is based on a novel). Now this is what movies should be like. Movie-magic justice well served 'cos I don't regret any buck I spent on it. Even Jason Bourne can't beat this. Personally, Stardust makes me wanna fall in love. It's so fantastic I'm considering getting the novel and maybe the DVD as well.

And yeah, Charlie Cox looks way better on screen than in still pictures.

EVERYONE GO WATCH THIS ONE-HECK OF A MARVELOUS MOVIE!!!

Kiddo

2007-10-21T17:55:00.001+08:00

I feel like a kid now.

Shel has just left and I'm back to how life has been for the past three weeks- silent at home.

Remember how we felt when we were kids? Upon the departure of cherished visitors, there will come this mushiness that makes you allow yourself some time to be depressed. As if we're mourning the sudden and crude absence of that beloved company.

I'm allowing myself to be a kid and feel all that sentiments I used to feel when my relatives and cousins leave at the end of the holidays.

Sob.

Never realised how much I could miss Shel till now but I'll get over this melodrama and hope she'll be coming in November again. Well, it's something familiar to look forward to in my current life of experiencing everything new. There's a sliver of comfort in knowing that in this ocean I'm in, I'll meet my good old trusty buoy.

Penang is 40 days away but I refuse to think about it. It makes as if I'm not keen with what I have in my hands now. In keeping strong, I'm doing my mighty best to avoid missing home and all that smells like childhood. Counting down the days will not encourage me to embrace the present.

Right then, I think I've just managed to blog myself to emotional stability.

I'll have to work now.

passé updates

2007-10-09T11:32:00.000+08:00

I'm breaking the all-important rule in Mass Communications (or rather, journalism) that news that are two days old are no longer news.

I'm gonna blog about what happened last weekend!

hehehe...

Friday, Oct 5

Departing from Menara Star, I decide to hit Mid Valley to do some grocery shopping then accompany Yeu Nuoh back from her work at The Gardens.

Ended up coming home at about midnight because the ice cream parlour couldn't close at it's normal 10pm...people just kept coming for ice cream! Fortunately enough Ynuoh's boss offered us a ride back. [No, it's not advisable to take a stranger's transport but it was a better option than taking a cab and buses have already stopped operating at that hour.]

Saturday, Oct 6

Rental's due so I had to pay up. By the time I was done I saw the U88 RapidKL bus so I decided to hop on and see how it's like to go to The Curve via bus.

Horrors. I missed my stop and end up going ALL the way to some residential areas around Section 8, Damansara Seroja. Wherever that was? And to make things worse...it was raining heavily, cold and I was worrying for my high-tide bladder. Instinctively I didn't want to get down some unfamiliar area to solve my bladder (blardy :/) problem. I have faith in my bladder...I stubbornly want to hold the urea-flavoured water in till I make it to The Curve.

When the bus reached the end of it's ride EVERYONE got down. Shoot. I'm so lost.
So I got a little drenched to hop on the first bus in line at this unseeming bus hub. The bus driver told me I had to wait another 10 minutes before he could start his driving routine. SHOOT. I really need to pee, man...it was one of the longest 10 minutes. And I was alone. It was kind of liberating because I was exploring on my own but the knowledge that danger is everywhere still lingered at the back of my head. I am a little amazed at how alive I felt even though I knew I had to be on guard to launch into some escape act should any (choi! choi!) victimising character appears. Luckily the driver got the hint from my looks and left the bus door opened. And he was kind enough to agree to tell me when to get off this time round.

So, with all the physical, mental and emotional disturbances, I finally managed to land myself in Ikano Power Centre...and more gloriously - the ladies.

Hahaha...then shopping begins...

I broke the rules of safety here and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Sunday, Oct 7

I forgot to buy socks and I was in dire need of it, seeing that I always wear shoes. Off to Mid Valley to buy me socks at 8.30am! Yeah, I was there to wait for shops to open cos I wanted to accompany Ynuoh to work, travelling with someone is always better. I got to check The Gardens out too. Darn, some of the shops were soooo pretty! It was 'Bittersweet' I think, with fancy iron grill as its front. Posh posh place.

By chance, I found the zip on my bag detached and so I figured I should to hunt for a bag too. Nothing interested me. Too bad. I got a new swimsuit anyways (hey, RM50 only!) since I've been waiting for a mega sale to purchase one. My old one's a goner.

***
Bottomline, the weekend was a lot of lone ranger mall trotting for me. Seriously, it was enjoyable but heck, I could hear my parents or even my friends nagging about safety first. I know, that's why I'm not recommending it (but don't live in fear either, people!).

Karen Cheng from Australia

2007-10-09T10:34:00.000+08:00

Ee Lin first introduced this blog to me a couple of years back.

Pei Ling was reading it this morning and I'm introduced to it...again.

Reading this makes me wanna be a mum.

Go read what I read here.

Day 3

2007-10-03T10:23:00.000+08:00

Yeaps! It's already Day 3 of my internship with R.AGE, The Star.

I'm getting a feel of how things function here now that I've gone out on an assignment with my partner-in-crime, Pei Ling, yesterday to HELP University College to get interviews for the "LOOKS" page in tomorrow's R.AGE issue(wah...I know what's coming out in tomorrow's paper!). But there's still so much to learn!!! And quoting colleague, Sharmila Nair, we're "learning from the best".

Our "office" isn't really office-ish. The atmosphere here is laidback with RED 104.9 playing all day long as ambience music and our desktops are stuck to this magnificent steel pillar standing in the middle of the "office". Then there're seats all around and this mini library-CD rack which my hands are drawn to explore. Fitting the R.AGE pull-out image, I'm interning in a youthful office!

Not much to update you peeps about really 'cos I haven't done anything significant. Just a couple of movie reviews and stuff.

And yes Pei Ling, I've gotten FACEBOOK...finally, after all the promoting (hah!).

Urgh.

2007-09-22T11:13:00.001+08:00

So sad it is to read such news.

Yes I'm referring to the recent gruesome murder of a young girl that happened in Petaling Jaya.

So the father has come to accept that it is adik Nurin found in that sports bag, his daughter, and I feel sad and angry for him...for our society. Why do these sickos do it? Not just this case but so many others too.

I have mental debates about how their minds work but I have no conclusion. I shouldn't anyways. The human psyche is a complex thing. Psychological problem? The way they were brought up and exposed to the world outside? The XYY gene that makes them biologically violent? Revenge? I can go on wondering.

But why? Even animals don't kill their own species for dominance or some twisted sexual pleasure. At least I do not know of it. They fight but they don't kill themselves. It is sad that we, gifted with more intelligence and potential to reach for the previously unreachable, still have among us those who misuse our human capabilities. Maybe that's why there're religions and philosophy to keep the human race on track.

While we may never live in a perfect society, I pray that all the people of our nation and the world will eventually learn to love the right way. I pray that those who are lost find the right path again through religion and I pray for those who have thoughts of or have committed the unspeakable to repent and find peace within themselves to live to better the society. No bad deeds will ever reap benefits.

There will always be hope for a better society.

Esmee Denters

2007-09-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

Wooh!

I was listening to Mariah Carey on YouTube (clearly wasting my time again; not revising, singing along et al...) and I found this video of a talented girl.

Don't mind the video quality, just use your ears.

Her name's Esmee Denters, go check her site out: www.esmeeworld.com

Good voice. Better singing.

Wonder if she's made her debut...?

Okie, off I go now...back to linguistics.

PS: me exam's on Monday o.O

A Poem for the Short Attention Span

2007-09-06T13:53:00.000+08:00

I sit and stare
as a fart escapes my butt,
Oh darn it's tough
trying to mould my attention
into a trustworthy sword
that slices and evades
all distractions that come my way.

Yes my battle still lies with my vagabond brain, not the books. Sob.

Lost

2007-08-31T15:00:00.000+08:00

No, not the over-rated TV series.

It's my on-off state of mind.

I feel lost...
...and I hope to find myself soon. Who likes the mental image of oneself being a abandoned buoy, vulnerable to the perils of the great oceans, unsettling weathers and occasional life? It's liberty with no solace.

...but to find myself I first have to be lost, no? Or at the very least, displaced. That's step one to the hopefully colourful and finally rewarding self-discovery. If not, how do we try to find something that has never been lost? So I think.

I pray for a guiding lamp to appear tomorrow but the todays have never quite ceased to happen, and my lamp never quite arrives. Sometimes I rely on a twinkling star, that tries in all its might to light my path with it faint sparkles...but have darkness resume when my star burns out. What short-lived moments of grateful treading along this beaten path. Stalled again.

...and perhaps all this because of my self-doubt.

Father Time, you see my wallowing in uncertainty. I feel my hair lengthen already but what can you do? I understand that you have a worldly rhythm to hum to.

21th century living

2007-08-14T20:15:00.000+08:00

First there was the couple of unidentified phone calls from "Vincent" from Maxis who claims I have left my number at his booth during the whatever architectural exhibition in KLCC [?]...conman no.1

...then Jojo got conned of her Bread Story buns by a pair of Chinese nationals (presumely)... conmen no.2

...then Steph's friends were robbed on their way back from a yam cha session in Section 17...aih

.. and last two nights, we witnessed a snatch-theft outside our windows... AIH

21th century living...danger lurks everywhere.

...but I still trust in the dhamma.

Wild ginger & Inersia phobia

2007-07-22T21:42:00.000+08:00

Today: 4 hours hiking, plentiful mud, soaked feet, wild ginger, four cups of Vico, rain, be-yoo-ti-ful mother nature!!!

Thoughts: In life, do I choose to take the road more taken, but knowing that the road less taken is actually more reliable?

Suffering: My feet hurt like hell! And I keep almost slipping off, giving me additional cardiovascular exercises. I grew to fear going downhill because of the pressure on my toes in trying to sustain my speed and balance, thus the phobia of building too much momentum in coorperation with gravity. What if I failed to stop in time and fell off the trek or slipped and sprained me ankle?

But it's all in good fun. Life should be colourful.

Too tired. If not, I would posted a longer something to describe my hiking at Sg. Lolo.

PS: Will post a proper story if I'm still interested the next time I'm on Blogspot.

Overreaction?

2007-07-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

Funny how a certain something can overwhelm people sometimes. Such is the feeling I got when I accidentally read some MAJOR spoilers for the final installation of the Harry Potter series.

I actually cried a good while when I read through the first few lines of the spoiler. If this is how the final story turns out to be, I'm going to be mourning again like when I mourned for Sirius Blacks death in the fifth book, Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore in HP and The Half-blood Prince. Maybe mourn harder this time around.

Cis.

Whoever wants that stupiak spoiler, give me a holler online and I'll kill your day for you. [provided you're a big HP fan]

Okie, gotta run.

Test is round the corner.

I refuse to

2007-07-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

They keep giving me the encouragement. Saying if it is, it is. Flashing the cheeky secret grins. Turning down my every offer of pessimism (or logic, I'd rather it be).

Such is the sweet optimism. From them. I love them for it but...

I've made up my mind. Or so I loudly declare...with a tinge of rejected hope beneath.

It cannot be possible. My mind finds it ultimately boggling, unacceptable that I should be encountering with that that I coveted in the yesteryears.

It may have been a yesteryear story but who can actually so blindly let go of something that has been one of the biggest influence to them? I meant to be able to but I guess deep down, I didn't want to. I loved chasing Cloud 9. I loved the contradictory feeling of wanting while acknowledging the Mission: Impossible. And bluffing to myself and the world that fantasy is sufficiently beautiful.

However, I think my heart is mended by itself. Life can be cruel in terms of lying to us using scenes of a fantasy. (Ok, maybe the blame should be on myself, not life.) I no longer get the melancholic feeling. And no more wishful thinking.

Maybe I am over it.

Maybe.

Maybe it's better this way.

First thoughts of the day

2007-07-15T15:00:00.000+08:00

I had a ~~nightmare~~ "morningmare". It happened after I continued sleeping at 7.44 a.m.

It was another of those routine days and I was walking back towards the apartment I rented together with my friends. The main road was at its off-peak hour with cars going by consistently but traffic was not heavy.

Then I realised, as I walked uphill towards the entrance of the apartments, there were four presumably Indonesian men following me. Yes, I was alone. Alone because me being me, I love the occasional solitude. The occasional desire to be doing things 100% my way. However, this bliss was not what it usually was, this solitary stroll back home had, from the moment I took notice of the four men, a tinge of fear to it.

The female instinct, they say, is a darn accurate one. I was sure my female instincts were doing justice to its reputation. Not sooner than five steps more, I heard "Ah Moi, Ah Moi". I ignored the calls as I would usually but deep down I was feeling the initial pangs of panic. Then the men got excited. Saying that I couldn't run off now. That I was alone and outside. True, it was like some movie plot where the bad guy foresaw the potential for him to strike. the road I was on was quite empty, only a few cars were at the junction I've finally reached.

Seeing my route to possible safety, I started across the road to the other lane where cars were facing the opposite direction without even bothering to see if there were cars from behind. ( I don't know why I was not following the law to walk against the direction of the traffic but I just did)

Somehow I knew that four-wheeler had unlocked doors so I hopped in, hurriedly explaining to the family man that I am in trouble.

The four men had to catch up and while the uncle was trying to call the police (I assume), one of the men opened the car door and snatched his phone. Somehow the uncle forgot to lock the doors. (and I was screaming when they snatched his phone!)

Scene change. You know how dreams are.

Anyways, I woke up with this nasty thought: What if I died before everybody knew how much I love them?

Maybe Big Fish does this to its audience. I watched it last night and end up having all these deep thoughts that haven't been swimming in my mind for a long time. Of death, of life, of fear.

Fear...that brings me to Mel Gibson's controversial movie Apocalypto. There was a part where the dad was telling his son to not bring fear back to the village. That fear is more poisonous than the catastrophe itself. Something about it paralysing one's living. I related it to that bad dream, telling myself that I must be courageous to live life.

What is life if we become the slaves to our fears and uncertainties. All the more reason for us to cherish every moment with everyone we're blessed to have known. Tomorrow is always a mystery, no matter how well planned out today.

Ya, those were my first thoughts in the morning.

I pray I do not have this deja vu.

To dad and mum, I love you.

To bro, irreplaceable one.

To KayT, SugaLin, JM, Kara, my colourful K3E members: Amelia, Shel, Jo, Unoe, Lynda, Sushi, Lulu; HJ, Steph, WC, TB11, I'm blessed abundant to have our paths joined in this life. Even if it was only for that while.

To the world, I wish I can meet you and share life's best little things with you.

GOSH, this bread story!!!

2007-07-14T20:52:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

OMIGOSH OMIGOSH OMIGOSH.

I think that was him. Really. I think I saw him.

And I'm sure he saw me. Definitely. He saw me.

After heaven-knows-how-long, I think I saw my senior BRAT. Gosh, but all odds are against that very possibility! Okay, perhaps not. Perhaps I'm just finding it inconceivable, still swirling in my denial.

Who knows, though?

It might really have been him.

Oh well. It's the bread story that is going to keep me pondering for the mo.

Ah, the Potter mania!

2007-07-11T19:34:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm guilty of being a Potter maniac.

OK, maybe 'maniac' is an exaggeration but hey, I'm loyal... I've read all the books and watched all the movies. And I use to subscribe to the Harry Potter (harrypotter.warnerbros.com) newsletter. Not bad mah...

Anyways, for those who, like Pei Ling, have not watched or even read the book. The part after the line in this post should prove unfit for your reading. Stop and go visit the cinema. (unless you don't actually give a darn)

It all started with Amelia raving about 11 July, wanting to be one of the nations firsts to watch the movie (aiya, those who went for the midnight sneak preview would have been the firsts lah). I, being the late-nighter in the house got geared up to book our tickets online once the clock strikes 12 a.m. Yes, such is our Potter spirit!

Then the internet line had to break off half an hour to 12...and stayed uncooperative until the next day. Disheartened but not giving up, I slept after nodding off too many a time in front of my laptop. I even wrote notes to tell Amelia to keep trying to go online the next morning but well, that stupiak line.

Continuing our battle with injustice, I made possibly 20 phone calls to GSC to try phone booking and much to our dismay, (half the calls didn't get through and) all the suitable movie slots were fully phone-booked!!!

I was suppose to have presentation that Monday but it didn't happen. Long unrelated story but anyways, being vexed at the fact that we were formally dressed for nothing, Jo, Amelia and I took a cab to Mid Valley to BUY our tickets. Yes. Of course we shopped a little, ate dinner there la... after getting the elusive tickets!

So yes, after experiencing a tinge of the great injustice of life on Sunday night and Monday morning, it is fortunate that Jo, Amelia and I manage to catch the second show in Mid Valley this morning!!!
___________________________

That morning was this morning. Oooh! I love the movie!
[spoilers! be warned!]

The effects during the battle scene were weallie weallie nice! With all the smoky, shredded cloth thingy and the glass pieces that Voldemort used to fire at Dumbledore and Harry. And the "I will not tell lies" sentence engraving itself on Potter's hand when Umbridge made him do that evil detention resemble the pictures we found for our Social Psychology assignment durign Foundation year. Our topic was self-mutilation.

I wonder what Amelia did when that scene unfolded itself. Closed her eyes, I guess.

When Harry kissed Cho, I suddenly realised...gee, they've grown up. I mean everyone in real life and in the story, yeah, suddenly I think the trio (Daniel, Rupert and Emma) have improved so much in their acting! Harry (Daniel) ain't awkward anymore! Well, that's how I watch movies. I do the reality part of it too. I watch not only for the movie itself but also to enjoy the performance of certain thespians. (cos, hush, I did have a Hollywood dream once upon a time *sheepish*). Though Katie could still try harder.

I love David Yates for making this installation of the Potter movies. He brings us back to the times when Harry (and Daniel) was this slightly chubby-faced (it's all the baby fat) cutie to this fit, kinda hot guy. [Well, the gymnastics did some chiselling to his body. *looks*] And some of the other times in between. You just get a wee bit nostalgic. Ah...growing up with Harry Potter eh?

Oh well, if I go on raving about Harry...I'll regret during my Phonetics class tomorrow. We're going to have this mini tests for the beginning this week which is a good thing because form those Ms Yoges, our Phonetics lecturer will take the best four marks to enter into our coursework marks or sumfink like that.

Ok, till me mind is imbued by me life.

out of routine sightings

2007-06-10T22:41:00.000+08:00

1. A black cat sniffing a green car [I think it was a Savvy, too amazed to take note]
2. A blue Benz parked halfway up a divider [the pavement kind]

I don't know what the cat saw [or rather, smelled] in that green front bumper and it amazes me how resourceful some people can be when it comes to a parking lot being half the size of a normal one. He/she must be really desperate.

Too bad I ain't got no pics. Baah.

Lemon and ambition

2007-04-20T23:13:00.000+08:00

Friday marks the last weekday of the study week, the time for procrastinators like me to freak out. Yes, but in my futile attempt to do so [Somehow I'm drifting in a world of disbelief, my refusal to believe that the exams is next week is indeed alarming.], I've found a me in someone else. In fact, that is a me that's better than me.

Lai Mun, the Lemon of our class...the more I know her the more I grow to admire her. She is the epitome of what I want to and make myself be. She envisions the kind of future I envision myself in, together with the attitude to get ourselves there. However, I believe she's one step ahead of me.

I am not speaking in resentment, nor am I interested in rivalry. We have our different scopes of mental and material lands to conquer, but when stripped down to the core, our ambitions differ little. If not at all.

What Lemon has is knowledge. She's more an encyclopaedia than most here. That, I dream of. What Lemon has is a sense of self. She is what she wants herself to be. That, I truly respect. What Lemon has are tenacity and fortitude. Both needs a little getting used to, but at the end that's what I love most about her.

Youth is short but we both feel there is sooo much that one can achieve in this short period in life. So much that we can achieve beyond the road always taken. So why waste the possibility of a handsome but fickle success on planning for retirement? Label me impetuous, but if not impetuous now, then impetuous when?

I don't want to let the most important people in my life down, but I have dreams I want to chase. And as much as I doubt the future, I have faith that I will not regret my taking the chance. I don't want to be hitting 30 and wondering about all the what if's of my youth. Life is given to me, I shall live it to the fullest.

At times like this, I am given a firm pat on the back, ushering me back to reality. I am not good enough. I have so much more to work on. I am only a speck of someone if I do not go beyond my current status. Life is a constant learning process and I have yet to learn more from it.

So my faith in the unpredictable is renewed and my ambition glows more alluringly in my mind. I have people to prove my worth to, especially myself. And I'm gonna prove to them I'm worth it.

From left: moi, Lemon at SP Corner this morning

___________________________________________________________________
PS: Today's sunset was magnificent! Just pure breath-taking atmospheric beauty! Check out the pics.

How many more hours to Monday?

2007-04-19T22:34:00.001+08:00

GREAT.

It's Thursday night already and I haven't even covered a quarter of my finals syllabus. Oh, perfecto...for an agonising unbodily death in the exam hall...if I don't buck up immediately.

My academic life is a constant struggle between taming my seasonal [during exams, especially] wild imagination and keeping the mind on the revision.

Just a reminder to myself, this is an Indian poem [translated] I read in The Star some few years back during the festive celebration of Deepavali that I thought to be really meaningful:

You are your deepest, driving desire;
As your desire is, so is your will,
As your will is, so is your deed,
As your deed is, so is your destiny.

I really gotta get my act together. Too bad I don't have my senior BRAT, Alvin to give me some encouragement this time. In fact, I do wonder where and what is he up to at the mo. Probs conquering his final year finals...yeah that's a bigger issue. In thine prayerst, Lizbeth, thou shalt not forget the one who little did encourage thee in former times when thee were in need of it. (Dunno if such English exists...I'll find out not long after.)

I wish everyone and anyone taking exams all the very best!

Liberty- captured

2007-04-18T17:54:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm in my study week and much to what a study week suggests, I am well supposed to be studying for my finals...but the mind is fickle, I have the attention span of a 60-second minute. Tsk tsk tsk.

So there I was looking up stuff on photography three days ago and I came upon Gerhardt Thompson. I may not be especially interested in nude art but his work is, um, liberal. Really. I had thought some of his photos had me thinking that no law exists in those lands or waters. Art, yes, art is the key word.

There's this one photo of a lady (free of clothing of course) half-jumping in a wide empty field and I thought I would have fallen in love with its expression! It was just so...unrestrained! She was so liberated. And I could feel the breeze from the field in my mind O.o Now that's good photography.

Anyways, I wanted to capture that expression, that liberty, in my own interpretation. Of course I couldn't just run out of my hostel room, grab a female as my model and start taking photos of liberty with my 1.3 mega pixel handphone camera. I didn't have that liberty...yet (maybe). So I ended up spending half an afternoon working some Macromedia Fireworks on the photo.

As much as I am a feminist and my views in congruent with this poster:

I do know it is also very true that Michealangelo's David:

is very much a David (read: it's a masculine name).

The combination of trying to alleviate my self-contradiction (this kind of photography can appear to be a form of female exploitation) and a first-time dabble with Macromedia Fireworks resulted in this:

I will not post the original photo, Brumby Queen, here as I respect readers with potentially ultra-sensitive eyesight. The original and Gerhardt's other works can be viewed here and here.

NO PLAGIARISM INTENDED, GERHARDT THOMPSON IS CREDITED FOR HIS PHOTOGRAPHY.

fortissimo

2007-04-14T22:54:00.000+08:00

If I could sum up the past couple of weeks in a couple of words, it'd be 'utter insanity'. Ok, maybe I'm being a lil over excited about the roller-coaster chain of events but hey, life is good when it ain't dormant.

So what about it? It's the end of SAMEW working together. Yeah, SAMEW has retired. FYI, SAMEW is the name of the group I 'piah' my assignments with all this while. And though our last presentation wasn't as superb as I'd wanted it to be, it was still a most happy event. I am proud, as always, of SAMEW. Hard work, man, peppered with hard laughing. I love us!

That was 4th April. Then came 7th April, a day not to be forgotten...a day I met all the him's I wanted to meet. At 3.40pm, my friends and I were among the earliest to reach Dataran Carpark...to witness the Hitz.fm 10th Birthday Bash! And my, my, was it awesome! especially when I get to meet and greet Jason Lo!!! Lucky for us we were early and the DJs had time for us to snap pics with them. I was actually dumbstruck half the time I spent there.

You know, after all this time of wishing I can watch a concert in person, I've finally got it! Might have missed some of the hottest concerts in the past few years, but hey, I got photos with J Lo, JJ and Rudy, Ean, Serena C, Pop Shuvit, Dragon Red etc... and autographs and a Dragon Red single and a JJ and Rudy T-shirt I caught when they flung it out to the crowd. I'm well beyond pleased. Just unfortunately, I had to miss J Lo's performance...I waited ALL night! :(((... because we were afraid we'd be unable to get a taxi home. Such is the life of vehicle-less students. [will post concert pics]

While I was enjoying the sinking-in effect of having gone through a beautiful experience, reality couldn't be any harsher than to come crashing down on me with the moving-out issue. So two a hours after I rose on the following Sunday morning, I was out and about with my aunt and subsequently Jojo, hunting for the perfect room. So here is where I made a mistake of buying a good piece of wadrobe which I consequently [due to hesitant decisions and changes of mind] had to place in Sam's house.

Terror. Is when IKEA calls to say the wardrobe will arrive in an hour's time when I WAS EXPECTING IT IN THE EVENING. FYI, it was 9 a.m. and I was in Web Page Design practical lesson. So, in all my distress for not getting the agent to open our new apartment door for me and not getting through to IKEA's home delivery operator...Sam saved me by allowing me to crash the wardrobe at his place. Gee, I feel guilty for troubling him. [but it is gentlemen like him that melt me]

I bet there were a crazy lot of hormones streaming through my veins this past week cos I earned myself some zits again. Aih, a futile battle it seems.

In contrast to the first week of April, the second was bombarded with misfortune. Lady Luck wasn't smiling down on me but I ain't griping. Life's like that.

So till I'm imbued by my life again, this is where I sign out.

PS: Sam, if you're reading this, THANKS so much!!!

Elusive Dreams

2007-04-13T14:18:00.000+08:00

Like a favourite scarf,
Drifting in the wind,
Just beyond my extremity,
Out of reach.

Like rising to the morning chorus,
Grasping at the sweet memories
that are slipping away,
Upon my broken slumber.

Like a piece of perfect melody
that escapes the ears in haste,
Teasing my desires,
are these elusive dreams.

Taking a second look at things

2007-03-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

It's scary when it seems that the people you know turn out to be people you don't really know after all- the very foundation of a blossoming friendship threatens to collapse... That's why I never believe in any overnight relationship- be it guy-girl or plain friendship. The human being is too complicated a being to be dissected -characteristically- in a jiffy.

I suppose in life, we do more guesswork than knowing the truth. That's somehow the beauty of living in this world; somethings are better left unsaid, unknown, not rationalised completely. Like the change of atmosphere between you and a friend or that untold of infatuation. Some things need time to be revealed and understood, clearing off unfounded conclusions. Some secrets though, feel better to be taken to the grave lest the bubble of fantasy be popped by the needle of reality.

Second guessing whether we've done something wrong or accidentally offended a friend based on how he starts treating us gives chances to the self-fulfilling prophecy to be fulfilled. Who knows we may end up creating animosity for reasons both parties find inconspicuous. Then there goes something that was meant for continuity all in the evil name of ASSUMPTIONS. Never assume. Being blunt can save a relationship [but not too blunt lah, nanti no problem become ada one].

I don't know what's up with TB11 these days [ehem, this semester]. After the climax of our foundation year [semester 2, last sem], it seems we've suddenly become rather disconnected. Maybe some things happened among some of us that go beyond my brain antenna 's coverage. So while I'm trying to figure out this lack of spontaneity and unity in class, I'm trying not to jump to conclusions too. Maybe it's just because we see less of each other with only barely four days of uni to attend this semester.

I don't wish to end our year together the way we began it--as strangers. This is supposed to be a blast, no?

Ah, the screwed up LOL

2007-03-14T23:14:00.000+08:00

It's one of those nights when the dark velvet of the night sky seems to reflect my mood. Nothing compliments it better than a blanket of blackness sprinkled with silent glitters. Like a wave of melancholy with a tinge of sweetness. However, that is contrary to what I actually see out of my hostel window, PJ night sky is a stargazer's total nightmare. To see stars here is a rarity. Perhaps even an [almost] impossibility.

There is a part of me that I'm missing. The part that doesn't quite fit into my current circumstances. Life is what you make of it, and I had to put that part of me aside to be more comfortable in my present days.

I miss the sarcastic me, the old humour I developed and honed in high school and seeing the profiles of those [on Friendster] from a time back then had me thinking if it was worth all keeping such a 'me' part away from the scene. Like plucking out the essence of my humour department for storage. Cheese-C and 'la-meh' jokes rule harder these days but I'm surviving well on the occasional pure-breed hilarity.

Then I wondered if it will ever come into use again. If life were so kind as to plant me in the company of like-minded 'Ms and Mr Sarcasticas'...maybe...just maybe, the future ain't that bleak. Hah. I'd love to be around the owners of those profiles on Friendster that I was breezing through but [oh!] high school is way past me.

So I'm in this all-too-familiar pensive mood pondering about how things go [no, sidle] by and feeling mixed-up. Worldly attachments bring me the "What-if's" while acknowledgment of reality tells me that memories are but memories. Life does go on. Just that sometimes we become too busy to notice it and until we do, changes are stark and glaring.

Lesson from my thinking too much: in life exists an inevitable need to adapt [Like me adapting to a different frequency of humour]. C. Darwin concluded: the fittest will survive. And I quite agree. Those who don't should take a hard look at humanity.

Ecstasy

2007-03-11T11:07:00.000+08:00

Ecstasy
is when you talk to me
even when I cannot hear you speak

Uncertainty
is all of the one-way greetings
your presence on the other end: not guaranteed

Loyalty
the character of my heart
since the beautiful autumn of that year

Impossibility
rationale of my thoughts
that cruelly analysed the distance and gaps

Contradictory
are my heart and mind
a dreamy hunch against a stack of reasons

Sempiternity
is that of the inspiration
I derived from knowing you

PS: Having met you basically inspired life into the shell I was wandering about in.

O Young One

2007-03-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

O young heart,
That loves so blindly,
For this,
Find me a cure.

O young flame,
That dances so brightly,
With this,
Exudes allure.

O young dream,
That floats for eternity,
Of that,
I'm quite sure.

O young mind,
That imagines wildly,
But then,
Take only what's pure.

Some two years back

2007-03-10T21:51:00.000+08:00

Nostalgia...

I was trying to read my notes for Monday's test and suddenly I thought of my Form 5 physics teacher, Mr Ung Shih Him. Gee, high school is two years ago. Can you believe it??? Back then when we were trying to screw up time to get past the whole five years and now it feels like ancient history.

Then I remembered Lin, my class partner in everything, who shared so much of high school with me [including describing Mr Ung as a China Doll look-alike, it wasn't meant to insult, he did look somehow adorable with his jet black hair]. It seemed like the two years we spent in the same class would be forever...but before you know it, Lin's finished SAM and is now pursuing Psychology in Australia. I guess that that 'forever' is not enough. I miss her and all my other bosom pals deeply.

My mind flickered back to the present and I pictured my current classmates, comparing them to Lin, KayT and JM. They were two sets of friends. Neither sharing anything the other went through with me. Somehow, at this very moment, I feel myself cherishing the past more than the present. Not because the present sucks...the present is wonderfully decorated with people I have grown to love...but because I realise that all that I'm missing now, I may never come to experience again. Such is my habit of holding on to the things I love so deeply.

Life moves on and changes take place in every aspect of each and everyone's lives. We could never get back those days when we were gossiping about Jason the monkey or laughing out loud or even ponteng-ing classes or the long recesses or Sukhihotu or heart-to hearts or ...the list goes on. All in those formerly boring torquise pinafore, in the compounds of a place we knew so well, in our growth-restricted hairdos.

The nostalgia envelopes me with a tinge of pain mixed with delight. I'm hurt because the twists and turns in life have had me feeling like I'm losing them. I'm glad because it happened. We helped each other grow up and blossom into who we are now.

To Ee Lin, KayT, JM:

Thank you. I'm blessed to have known you all. Wherever our dreams take us from now on, do keep our bond intact. There is no other replica of our friendship, it is unique in itself. I graduated with more than just a certificate and knowledge from books, I graded with friendship. Solid friendship. Some people find it at other stages in life, some are still searching but I found it in you three. Love you guys always! Even if we're all masing-masing too busy with our lives to contact one another that often.

Publicising me?

2007-03-09T06:48:00.000+08:00

Ok, first of all, I didn't think it was wise to ever post your thoughts in black and white anywhere potentially public. No matter how funny or interesting or correct. I mean, surely we were born with the ability to think silently for a reason right? That'd be to think in privacy.

However, with time came diaries and journals that let you pour out your sweetest and hardest moments in life or plain crap just to keep a record of your being on earth in case you never make it to superstardom that grants permission for publishing an autobiography. Ok, maybe you needed to write things out so that you don't explode from bottled-up stress or perhaps there's a queer need to update yourself about yourself.

Whatever the reason... we end up with this modern way of recording our lives: Blogs.

So why all the crap? Like I said, some of us just need to jot down our crap. I'm holding membership of that existing but unofficial Crappers Club.

Back to my real reason for blogging. I know I'm a little too shameful to be new to this [the world has been blogging for ages] but hey, everyone's gotta start somewhere... and the difference between me and those long-timers is that I had stubbornly wanted keep my thoughts and bits of life to my brain. Again, I didn't think it wise to publicise your privacy. Still don't but I could share my humour and crap. Call me quaint but that's how I function.

Maybe time'll change me eventually. [yeh?] Just gotta learn the ropes of being public.

Methinks... Blogs are for:

Keeping my old pals updated about me...distance is nothing with blogs, but computer illiteracy is something.
Crapping when I've a sudden urge to. [I've probably got a Babble Muse watching over me]
Entertaining whoever so fortunate to come across Elyxology. [hopefully]
Exercising that writer in me.
Being random.
Learning more about this virtual world.
Putting my knowledge to good use.

I would try to be disciplined in terms of blogging...