Lost

No, not the over-rated TV series.

It's my on-off state of mind.

I feel lost...
...and I hope to find myself soon. Who likes the mental image of oneself being a abandoned buoy, vulnerable to the perils of the great oceans, unsettling weathers and occasional life? It's liberty with no solace.

...but to find myself I first have to be lost, no? Or at the very least, displaced. That's step one to the hopefully colourful and finally rewarding self-discovery. If not, how do we try to find something that has never been lost? So I think.

I pray for a guiding lamp to appear tomorrow but the todays have never quite ceased to happen, and my lamp never quite arrives. Sometimes I rely on a twinkling star, that tries in all its might to light my path with it faint sparkles...but have darkness resume when my star burns out. What short-lived moments of grateful treading along this beaten path. Stalled again.

...and perhaps all this because of my self-doubt.

Father Time, you see my wallowing in uncertainty. I feel my hair lengthen already but what can you do? I understand that you have a worldly rhythm to hum to.